Top 10 most offensive things to say to a gay man
July 25, 2012 | 11:00 am
(Updated: February 25, 2013 | 10:45 am)
These phrases could be annoying to anyone, but we queers can be exposed to them frequently. We are all familiar with the phrase about opinions being like assholes. Well, there should also be a new quote about those assholes that love to verbalize their opinions, especially when not asked for it! Do any of these really need to be said?
There are many reasons why someone may utter these – ranging from being generally curious to being mean-spirited, bitchy and judgmental. Be wary of those who may throw these comments, but even more cautious if we are the ones slinging them.
The most appropriate response would be, “thank you.” As long as all involved parties are informed and consent to the activities, getting naked and sweaty is fantastic. Throw on some gear and make out with 100 people. Go meet someone new that turns you on. Keep in mind that the only way to get good at something is practice, practice, practice!
9. Don’t tell my boyfriend / partner / girlfriend / wife.
Although some couples have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for their extra-curricular activities, most of the time this statement signals an ethically precarious situation. Secrets can be scary, especially when their partner finds out and attacks you with a large fry pan.
8. Open / kinky / polyamourous relationships never work.
Fortunately, there are endless possibilities, activities, and configurations that have equal chances of being functional in relationships. This increases when the right people get together and have great communication.
7. Who is the man / woman or pitcher / catcher in the relationship?
These antiquated ideas still continue to pop up occasionally, but are more commonly asked by questioning if someone is a top or bottom. It’s amazing that some people don’t have the couth to not ask personal information, especially when it will not pertain to ever getting naked or having sex with them.
6. You have really put on some weight / dropped some muscle / look rough.
Our bodies are in a consistent state of flux, but there can be dramatic changes depending on health concerns, life situations, and focus on one set of goals over others. Chances are that if you are seeing significant changes in someone’s body, they are painfully aware of them as well. Better questions may be asked to find out how they are doing or if they need help, unless you really are trying to be a catty bitch and hurt their feelings.
5. How big is your dick?
I know this is a relatively normal online question and some really don’t mind being asked. Others take offence. There is nothing wrong with admitting being a size queen.
4. Your relationship is never going to last.
Although you may be correct, why would you feel the need to say this? It could be followed up later with the phrase, “I never liked him anyways.” This is usually intended to put a negative cloud over a relationship and give someone a sense of, “I told you so” if it doesn’t work out.
3. Are you clean?
I love questions about the last time I showered or wiped my ass. For anyone HIV-positive and most of everybody else that is knowledgeable about sexually transmitted diseases or appropriate uses of the word “clean” in the English language, a more appropriate set of questions would most likely get to the root of your potential partner’s sexual practices and health history.
2. Just this one time.
This is why we have to know where our boundaries lie and be prepared to defend them. The regret and terror that can happen after we do things that may put our health or safety at risk can be avoided if we have the confidence to stand up for ourselves and tell people to bugger off when they push us past our comfort levels.
1. God hates fags / You’re going to hell
This kind of hatred has hurt so many of us. It can have catastrophic impacts on self-esteem, suicide rates, people’s actions to keep themselves safe, and the freedom to be who they are. Regardless if someone believes in an omnipotent being or feels that queer people are an abomination, there is no reason for them to spout off their beliefs. Tell them to wallow in their own pit of fire and brimstone.