Stuff Gay People Like: Sexting

July 27, 2011 | 9:23 am
(Updated: February 22, 2013 | 4:02 pm)

If you ask youth group leaders and high school guidance counselors, a crisis is rocking America. No, not obesity or meth; it’s teenagers and college students sending each other sexually-suggestive text messages or pictures, art that promises to destroy their future lives and families.

Young people are being warned to ask themselves how they’re going to someday settle into a stable marriage, go to seminary, score a powerful job or run for office when there are embarrassing digital naked photos of them circulating around for any malicious blogger to post publicly.

Look out, kids – sending the un-cropped version of your raunchy Myspace photo could doom your career prospects.

Maybe concerned folks should instead ask themselves what kind of person would still have 20-year-old photos of his high school sweetheart’s under-aged bits when he’s in his mid-thirties? That situation doesn’t require the one pictured to have good public relations skills for political fallout; it requires a bodyguard.

And perhaps our message to 19 and 20-year-olds shouldn’t be so much “don’t say anything naughty by text message” as, “when you upgrade your phone, make sure you delete all the text messages before you give the old phone to your younger brother.”

Despite the wave of concern, there is one group of people who just can’t bring themselves to care that much about the “crisis.” That group is gay people, who are sexting-experts.

It’s no secret that gay people are not puritans; they’ve been kicked out of their churches and are far too urban to join a country club. They’ve already suffered through the most awkward conversations anyone in the world has or will ever have with another person – the coming out talk.

“Yes mom, I’m sure it’s a sexual attraction to men. No mom, I don’t want to ‘try it’ with one of my female friends to be sure. No mom, naked breasts do not give me an erection.”

Not only are gay people left permanently unable to be shocked or embarrassed again, they’ve all given up their ambitions of sitting on the school board in a conservative county or running for president, and in addition they’re the most tech-savvy people anywhere and a lot of them are in long-distance relationships. So there are almost no barriers between gay people and sexting.

That’s not to say that there are no boundaries at all: gay people still have standards and expectations as to how it’s done. One popular line is, “don’t send me that shit while I’m at work.” Who knows who’s going to see it? And it’s distracting. Always work it into the conversation slowly, and never send anything to your boyfriend or partner if the relationship is on the rocks.

Most gay men would consider it cheating to send dirty texts with a third person behind a boyfriend’s back, and nobody accepts the “sorry I was drunk last night” excuse – either no excuse is needed, or somebody who hoped to keep it platonic is still trying to purge a certain image from his memory.

Finally, the telltale sign of a man with ambition is one who would never allow a single photo to include both his package and his face.

Stuff Gay People Like (SGPL) is a regular column. Visit the Facebook Page or view the whole list.

@StuffGayPplLike/#SGPL on Twitter.


One Response to “Stuff Gay People Like: Sexting”

  1. Jaydude1229
    February 18, 2014 at 3:57 pm #

    Message me im 14 yo and kik me jaydude1229

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